Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
As you know, my brother Gioffredo was diagnosed with very advanced and untreatable cancer less than two weeks ago. He is in the process of saying his Good-Byes to life and his loved ones. A number of things are impacting me deeply in this and I want to share some of them.
My brother Angelo’s death just a year a half ago was the first among us siblings and it had Magical Elements to it, and I mean that in a very respectful way to him. Angelo was a sort of Magical person…he was a Tragic Hero, he was an eccentric genius, a writer, a thinker, an artist of sorts. I was his caregiver during his last two months of life and it was a very profound experience and privilege. One of the amazing things about his dying process was that Angelo had very little actual physical Pain, except for the last few days. Everything in him just gradually collapsed and shut down in just less than two months.
With Gioffredo, it is a different kind of cancer and he has been in Extreme Pain for hours at a time, and they kept switching his medications to try and find what will relieve him.
Nothing prepared me to see and hear my brother in Agony.
There is Nothing about Gioffredo that is Magical…He is Solid as a Rock. And This Rock is Being Shattered Before Our Eyes with a Heavy, Heavy Hammer of Uncontrolled Pain.
I remember a long time ago when I was in therapy and telling Dr. A. how I carry the terrible tormenting sounds of one of my sisters whimpering and crying, deep in my mind and memory. The sounds of someone we love (or even a stranger) suffering is one of the worst human experiences. Dr. A. was telling me just that…that hearing or seeing another person Suffer and being Unable to help them is known to be one of the most dreadful human experiences.
All I can is that this is TRUE. And I was not prepared inside for this…and it is causing the Upheaval of the Old and Stored Audio and Visual Memories I carry of my Siblings Suffering.
My deepest belief is that Even This is a Gift. Gioffredo is Thanking God for everything right now and it is Stunning to see. I believe that there is a Seed of Glory in Everything…Otherwise I would not be a Christian, Otherwise I could not believe in the Resurrection.
When Gratitude and Praise can come forth from a Soul, even when the Body is in Agony, this is the most Sacred Music of all.
My commitment to Healing and Conscious Living means that I will Stay Open and Aware, as much as Possible, while I am Witnessing and Experiencing all of the wide array of Thoughts, Memories and Feelings that Beholding the Death my Brother Presents. Thank you for your prayers for Gioffredo and the many good wishes I have received for all of my family.
With Love and Peace, Z Miłości i Pokoju, Con Amore e Pace,
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others!
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)