Today I stumbled upon a very crucial wound that I have carried all my life and that still needs healing. It is this: I was Abandoned and Severed from Love very early on in my infancy and that Severing from Love, Belonging and Welcome continued throughout my entire childhood. I gasped today as I saw that I have an inner default setting whereby I have continued to re-enact this Severance, this Abandoning, from not only the situations or people that I have found to be hurtful or abusive, but also from the people and situations and things that I have Loved Most.
I have had a painful pattern of Cutting Off, of Purging, of Ending that I find myself repeating, or tempting to repeat. It manifests in the way I feel an urgency to Finish a job at hand, or how I suddenly feel compelled to Eliminate things I love from my life, like coffee or chocolate, or clothing…or a job or a home! It can even manifest in relationships when I feel like they are changing and I do not know how the change is going to unfold. I want to Sever things that are Precious to Me, only so I can Hang On to what They Were to Me.
Once I saw this today, I found myself There, in that Cold and Isolated Place where Severing Has Happened in My Soul. And I knew that in order for it to Heal, I need to Embrace it and Love it and Bring Kindness to this Place In my Soul.
Uncertainty and Transition are much more Frightening to me than Death.
Grief and Loss are more Familiar than Change. Healing can be very Scary and Unfamiliar.
Being All Alone is more Certain to Me than the Comfort of Love that Lasts…
But Always, my Commitment remains to Keep on Healing, to Keep on Exercising Courage and Love and Trust!
I want so much to live in the deep Unity Consciousness that I have come to Believe in, where the Premise is that the Universe is a Beautiful Place, A Place of Love and Welcome and Belonging…and Where All Is Well Right Now.
So for Today, I will make that Leap, with you, my friends, as my Witnesses,
With Love, Respect and my most Sincere Gratitude for your Presence in My Life,
Gabriel Orion Marie