Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
As I said yesterday I am going to soon have a selections of paintings from each of my books in some kind of a gallery on my new website. I will be working with a web designer this week to get some tutorials on how to do that, so it occurred to me that maybe I should take this opportunity to post a few of the paintings this week in my blog, since I have figured out how to insert an image in the blog!
This week I will do the image paintings from each of the books covers…
This painting is titled “Pounding” and it was one I did very early on in my therapy. It was the summer of 2005 and I was living in a big old building downtown and it had a flat rooftop, with a rotting patio floor and old greenhouse on the roof. Only one other person lived in that building that summer and he never came up on the roof. So I set myself up in this old greenhouse, with paper, paint and water. I smoked then, too, so I had an ashtray and always a cup of coffee.
There was an old rickety sink that had water piped up through a garden hose, and then a drain that just went straight on to the roof. Most of the roof had pebbles on it, except for the part that had this makeshift patio and greenhouse.
This was in the Prairies in Canada, and the Sun was shining all that summer, it seemed. I spent a lot of time on that roof, alone, insane, painting like a wild woman and smoking like a chimney. As I said, this painting was done early on, and I was just using newsprint paper, but it was BIG paper…It was about 4 feet by 3 feet. I had an old piece of plywood that I used for an “easel”, and I used masking tape to fasten the paper to the plywood.
I had a handful of brushes and old yogurt containers for water. I usually wore my bathing suit because it was so HOT in the greenhouse and I would have to regularly cool myself down with water from the hose. I loved the Light, I loved the Freedom, I loved Painting and I loved Smoking. I loved that I could see so much of the City and yet no one could see Me.
I cried a lot on that roof. Sometimes I got drunk. Always I feared that if anyone saw what I was painting, I would be in big trouble.
Even as I write this, the smell of old musty potted plants and cigarettes and the sound of the City below comes back to me and I have to stop and have a good cry. That summer was a very Sacred, Intense and Private time for me. And my Therapy was intensifying immensely. Dr. A. was my only human reference point for sanity, commitment and hope.
I talked to God from that Rooftop. I screamed at Him at time and I gave my Soul out of complete Love for Him, too. I worked out my deepest beliefs about God on that Roof. And I located and exercised Olympian Courage on that roof.
And on that roof as I held brushes in my hand, this Child, this desperately wounded Child, came Pounding on the Door of my own Psyche and Soul to be LET OUT! The House of Agony she lived in as a child had become internalized inside of me many years ago and was seeking externalization. When I did this painting, I poured paint on face and my hair with paint and leaning my head against the paper and covering my forearms with paint and literally POUNDING on the paper and the plywood that was holding it. I (She) need the painting to physically absorb her Anguish and Express it.
Wow..I was not intending to say all this, in this post. But you are my Friends, and I trust you. I appreciate that you want to know me and you want to see the paintings and know more about them.
Now you can see perhaps why this is the painting I chose for the cover image of the first book in the series, This White House. This first book begins the revelations of what happened in that house. Although the actual house was white when I was a child, of course I painted it black because of the horrors and reality of what was going on in it. There is a bright sun and blue sky and yet this house is dripping with pain and darkness.
The child has a little drop of Light in her heart because God appeared to her when she was just 3 years old. From that day on, she never lost the tiny drop of Light..that tiny drop saved her from becoming the Darkness she Survived. Deo Gratias.
So, my Friends…I send my Heart to you along with this Image and I hope and pray that you are somehow blessed by it.
With my Gift from the Heart, Z moim Dar z Serca, Con il mio Dono dal Cuore,
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others!
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)