Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
I need to share something very important. I am not the most technically savvy person and I have gradually been learning more and more about using the computer, this website, etc. Several people were suggesting to me that I start using “keywords” and such. Well, I looked into it and I Googled about what Keywords were..I learned about them and how to use them. It all made sense and it seemed like it is a very good way to get your blog noticed more, etc.
I think I was in a moment of excitement, mostly about having learned something entirely New, and so I was racing through this website going through all my previous posts and creating Keywords and tagging them. I felt really Smart, and Savvy with this new found understanding and skill.
But when I looked at how the blog was appearing on Amazon, and the word Healing was bolded throughout the blog, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and I felt like crying. It was beginning to look like an Advertisement for Healing or something and I panicked.
First I went for a walk in the fresh air and sunshine, in order to calm myself and then I sat with myself in my room and paid attention to the unhappy feeling I had and I listened to it. You see, I was sold as a Child Prostitute by my father for several years during my childhood and I have a very sensitive conscience about any kind of Selling. In fact, although I had thought about writing my books for a number of years, the one reason I could not do it was because I was so poor financially that my motivation for doing it was that maybe I could “get rich” on my story! Yet that would have been the whole Undoing of my Healing! I cannot share my Heart with financial gain as the Goal or the Purpose or Motivation.
I cannot “Advertise” my Heart or my Soul.
I had to come to a point inside where I was willing to be poor all my life, where I would trust Divine Providence to help me provide for myself, but I vowed I would never Prostitute my Story. That would be a horrible, sickening and self defeating form of Abusing Myself. It was when I nearly died during surgery a year ago that I was liberated from the drive for wealth, because I discovered how passing everything is. And then I woke up one day and I knew I not only wanted to write my story, but that I NEEDED to share my story for two reasons:
1) It would be a major step in Integrating my personal Healing, and
2) I needed to Offer it as a Gift to anyone in the world who would benefit from it.
The next step was to try and figure out HOW to write a book! I began researching that online, I looked for other survivors who had written books about their story. I happened upon Marilyn Van Derbur’s website (Miss America By Day) and there was a place to contact her, and so I sent her an email. I was so thrilled that she answered her emails and I kinda poured out my heart to her. Eventually I told her about all my paintings and I sent her a small folder of about a dozen prints and she was so touched and she encouraged me to write my story and share my paintings. She even gave me the name of the publisher who put her book into ebook format, and with her recommendation, that publisher was willing to take me on!
Marilyn’s support of me, her assurance that I had something unique and healing to offer, was the last boost that I needed to begin.
Within weeks I had compiled This White House and Going Sane and had the outline done for A Spectacular Dawn! It took almost a year before all three were published but I am so happy that they are. We expect in a less than 8 weeks to have them all three available as printed books, too. That will feel very good, and like the foundation is laid for the Gift to Spring Forth…
Now if the books sell well and the result is that I have some financial support from them, that will be wonderful. That is okay because through that whole process I stayed faithful to my Heart. With this blogging, I have to find my way. This is brand new to me and I just don’t want to do anything that is against my inner convictions, and somehow using keywords and tagging them feels like it would be either manipulative or sneaky and my Heart is neither of these things.
If any of you have feedback on this topic I would be very grateful for you to send me your thoughts!
With my Gift from the Heart, Z moim Dar z Serca, Con il mio Dono dal Cuore,
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others !
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)