Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
There was a very Poignant Game that we Children of The White House played in our Childhood. We called it “Raft.” We were many children in a small house, and so at times we were four in a bedroom…sharing a big bed. This was our Game:
We would all huddle together in the Center of the Bed, hanging on to each other for dear life. We pretended that our Bed was a Raft, and we were Lost on a Stormy Sea, and the Sea was filled with Monsters who were going to Capture us, Kill us, and Eat Us.
The whole point of the game was Pretending We were Safe! We were Safe as Long as we Stayed in the Center of the Raft with each other.
We hung on to each other…we bravely crept to the Edge of the Raft and Peered into the Monster- Filled Waters and Screamed and scrambled back to the Center and hugged each other. We laughed at the Joy of Feeling Safe.
The Truth is, We were Violently Abused Children, We were Lost in our Psyches and Souls, We were Surrounded by Dangers on all sides Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Dangers were our Daily Bread…and there was No Safety.
But it was so Fun to Pretend we were Safe! I can still feel my siblings arms around me and I can still feel the big dent in the middle of the Bed that was our Raft. I can still smell the blankets and remember the first time I dared to crawl to the edge and look into the Sea, while my sisters squealed with Fear and pulled me by my ankles back the the Center and I felt the Rush of Relief at my Pretend Rescue.
For some reason, the sudden and painful news about my brother Gioffredo has brought the Raft to the foreground of my mind and it won’t Leave.
Each of us Children of the White House have Fallen into the Waters over the years as we have Aged. The Raft got Tippy and Pretending didn’t work anymore. We each have had our own Struggle with the Monsters in the Water, and some of us have Healed, but not all of us…
When I looked into the Eyes of my Siblings Today, I was taken back in Time and I could Hear the Squealing, I felt my Heart Pounding in my Chest, I was seeing Monsters and was being pulled by my ankles to the Center of the Raft, into the Pretend Rescue and the Pretend Safety of Each Others Arms.
As I drove back to my place, it was only Truth and Reality and Consciousness that were available to me. Having Let Go of Insanity, all I could do is Stagger onto to my Raft and Weep.
I would deeply appreciate prayers for Gioffredo and for all the family.
On the Raft, Na Tratwie, Sulla Zattera
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others!
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)