Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
A cousin of mine and her son were killed in a very tragic car accident. My cousin was driving the car, her son was in the passenger seat. She apparently had a heart attack or something, which caused her to collapse while driving the car at 90 km per hour. Witnesses saw her son trying to reach across and take over the steering wheel…the car went off the road into a tree and they were both killed instantly.
Sudden Death, Sudden Anything is very stressful. I have a very hard time with Sudden Loss, because Good-Byes are so important to me and I am very attentive to when there are any kinds of shifts, changes, or moves in any of my relationships. But Sudden Death does not care what my preferences are, what my commitments are. I last saw this cousin at Christmas time and it was such a happy visit after having not seen each other for over 15 years. We were very close during several years of my childhood when I was allowed to go and stay at their farm for a few weeks every summer. We talked about making a plan for getting together this summer.
Now I will be attending her funeral and I feel sick at the Loss and at the Suddenness. But there is only one thing to do: Accept this, 100%. Grieve. Let Go. Always, always…that Damn letting go! Her face is before my Mind’s Eye…our Laughter and our Joyful reunion last December..the photographs she showed me so proudly of her sons. Now she will be buried with one of them.
Her other son, is deeply Grief-Stricken and devastated..they were on their way to his Graduation Ceremony from College when they had this accident.
Last night as I drove home from work I was shaking with emotion..I was Suddenly afraid of Driving and having a heart attack and going off the road… It was raining and the visibility was poor, but mostly my Inner Visibility was poor because I was holding in my anger and my sadness. It came out in my dreams, though..all night I dreamt of people that I love dying Suddenly.
This morning I have had to write and write and write…and Pray and Cry and Let Go.
I found this old quote I had from Leo Buscaglia about Death:
“I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories.”
Accepting the Grief, Akceptowanie Smutku, Accettare il Dolore
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others !
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)