Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
There is a new area of Consciousness rising in me this week and it is this: I am starting to notice how sometimes when I have had a painful encounter with someone, or am feeling lonely, I start thinking about things I could go and Purchase. Shopping. I must need Something…so I get in my car and start driving to the Mall or the nearest shops and am looking at all the choices and nothing really looks exactly what I want. (Of course when I go Shopping as an Emotional Avoidance of Grief, Nothing will ever seem quite right!)
It is very frustrating to Shop for anything when I am using it as a Substitute for Grieving or Letting Go.
Some people refer to it as “Retail Therapy”…using Shopping as a mood altering/emotion altering activity. I don’t think I could ever call it Therapy, unless I call it Ineffective, Detrimental Therapy.
Don’t get me wrong, I think Shopping is Wonderful and I enjoy it….When I am actually, consciously choosing to Shop for something I need, or even just for the fun of it…but my experience is that when ANYTHING (Like Shopping) is used as a Substitute for Anything Else (Feeling, Accepting and Letting Go of Daily Stresses and Struggles), it never really satisfies.
This is not unlike what I wrote about the other day regarding looking in my Heart for what I need rather than in the Kitchen Cupboard. The principles of sane, conscious living are all the same…they need to be applied to and integrated into my WHOLE way of life.
Today I refrained from the Urge to go Shopping to Avoid feeling Lonely. I stayed with and felt the uncomfortable feelings I was having and soon they passed. And I didn’t spend any money on something I didn’t need! It feels so GOOD when I live like this!
With Faith in Freedom, Z Wiarą w Wolność, Con la Fede Nella Libertà,
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others !
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)