Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
There is a broad layer of Details in my life, in my Inner World, in my Psyche and Soul that continue to surface for healing, even as I live now in a Spectacular Dawn of Light. The depth of my wounding, the shattering of my whole person and the years of rebuilding my foundation of Being required such an enormous amount of effort and work. I must say that I feel very Healed, and very Recovered from my wounds, and I feel I have truly Gone Sane.
Yet there remains those smaller fears, patterns, and beliefs that will pop up in my life at various times that require my attention and my loving awareness. These are the smaller details of Healing that make such a difference…I am not just doing this work slightly, I am doing this thoroughly. I have said many times that if I were to just heal from the biggest wounds, and go Mostly Sane…that would be more like doing “Symptom Management” and I wanted much, much more than that. I wanted to know and feel Wellness, and Freedom and Peace and Joy. This is why I continue to work at all the little Details as they arise. When I have an attack of Shame because someone didn’t return a call and I feel afraid that I have upset them, or if I get upset about things that I have absolutely no control over like the weather or the traffic, I try to make very conscious decisions to Breathe, to Stop and Find my Peace again because I want my Healing to stretch into All areas of my Life and Being.
The other day, my supervisor at work called me in to her office…and I was shocked to find that I was terrified all the way to the office…my stomach went in knots, I felt weak and scared. I have not had that kind of flashback happen in a long time but once in awhile it does happen. My body goes into Emergency mode, as if it is my father taking me into the Garage for a Torture Session. It is very strange when this happens, and I have to work very hard in my mind and soul to quickly come solidly Present and remember that I live Here and Now, and that my father is long dead. It is amazing how much inner work can happen while walking down a hall to an office!
Anyway, as it turns out she called me into her office to thank me for all the extra work I had done over the weekend and said how much she appreciated me! When I left her office I realized that not only had I done a great job over the weekend with all the extra responsibilities, but even more fabulous was that I had just gone through another experience of Healing, and I had been able to do it almost spontaneously…and I know that each time I go through these experiences I and handle them with Consciousness and Love and Peace, another Detail in my Being is being Healed.
With my commitment to the Details, Z mojego zaangażowania w Szczegółach, Con il mio impegno per i Dettagli,
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others !
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)