Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
This post is about my need for Healing from Jealousy and Selfishness.
I have so many things I want to share with you, but there is a pressing issue at hand right now. It is this: My Best Friend is now a Grandmother. She has had her first grandchild born this month and she is Over the Moon in Love with this beautiful little boy. Well, I thought I was happy for her…I have congratulated her, I sent her flowers and a card. I have rejoiced with her over the phone and I know this stage of her life is going to be amazing.
Then I began to notice a deep Sadness surfacing in me, and a feeling like my Best Friend has just Died. I felt Abandoned and All Alone. I noticed I have been feeling forgotten about, like our relationship no longer is important to her. I KNOW that is not true, but it FEELS like that. Her energies are going to helping her daughter and grandson. It is all she talks about.
Why do I feel so Dreadful?
This morning I could no longer hide this Grief from Myself. I had to Admit it. I had to Acknowledge that I am feeling Selfish, Jealous and Sorry for Myself because my Best Friend has a Grandson whom she will now spend most of her free time with.
This is not Easy to Confess. I felt Ashamed to Admit such Immature and Selfish feelings, but actually once I admitted them, I went to my Chair and I Cried and Cried and almost Immediately afterwards I saw the Truth of Love, The Truth of Friendship, The Beauty of New Life and the Beauty of Death.
I saw that our Relationship has not Died at all…More Selfishness in me has Died and that is actually a Tremendous Healing and Joy! My Best Friend’s Grandson Birth has Given Birth to More of my Death and Resurrection! Deo Gratias!
What a Relief it is when that Dark Sorrow has been Felt, Acknowledged, Grieved and Let Go of and Then it Becomes Light!
I am so Thrilled to Now Be Free Inside to Truly Share my Best Friend’s Joy and to be Profoundly Grateful for the Beautiful Gift of her Grandson, who has Secretly been part of my own Conversion and Healing Transformation.
Thank you for Listening, Dziękuję za Słuchający, Grazie per l’ascolto,
With love and respect, z Miłością i Zaangażowaniem, Con Amore e Impegno,
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others !
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)