Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
As I am settling more and more into my new job and my new apartment, I have been very conscious of what a New Day this is for me. When I wrote A Spectacular Dawn, which is the third book in my trilogy on recovery abuse, I knew that I was writing precisely about a Dawn…a new beginning…I had not reached a finish line, I reached a beginning point! And now it feels as if I am just living in the first minutes of a New Day.
Life is changed, profoundly, as I no longer live in survival mode, as I experience my days with interest, gladness, optimism, and even Joy. To be challenged by having a task that I have never done before is not a threat to me anymore, it is more like a game that I want to learn and I want to succeed at. To be in a place where I can feel a whole array of feelings, and be conscious of them, is a stunning new reality for me.
As a very wounded person, deeply traumatized and cut off from so much of my own perceptions and from my body, I had trouble feeling any sensations, positive or negative, unless they were extremely intense. That made for a life that was very polarized and dramatic and full of high highs and low lows.
In this New Day, I feel even subtle feelings, I notice small fluctuations in the weather, in my mood and in the world and people around me. My senses are not dulled by oppression or so overload with fear and tension that nothing can touch reach me, they are clear and clean and receptive. Colors are brighter and more vivid to me. Music is more complex and fascinating. In fact, I hear music with more than my ears, I feel the vibrations enter through my skin as well as my ears, and it becomes a beautiful relational experience that I have trouble describing.
Morning Coffee tastes more delicious than ever and the taste of honey and oatmeal is a feast.
I hope and I pray that in the New Day, these things will remain so alive and fresh for me.
My brothers Angelo and Gioffredo have been making regular visits to me in my dreams and feel very connected to them, and have utterly lost every single fear or anxiety about Death. Their Bliss that is so visible speaks for itself and assures me of the Tenderness of God, right to the Core of my Soul.
I want you all to know that I am trusting that it won’t be too long before I have the time to write more regularly, but meanwhile, please know that I think of you all and am so grateful that we share even this small portion of life.
With My Love, Z Moją Miłością, Con il Mio Amore,
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others!
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)