Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
This week I was meeting one of my friends for coffee across town and I was going to for a swim at the pool before we met and there was not going to be much time between. To make a long story short, I knew I would not have time to spend fixing up my hair and putting on make-up after swimming, and so I would just have to meet her “as is”! Although I have never been one to wear very much make-up..nor do I have much skill doing anything with my hair, but I have always TRIED to change/improve my looks with products and procedures. (Like so many people do), and it has been a stressful issue that reflects remnants of the old wounds of Shame and Self-Hatred that I had an Abundance of throughout most of my life until the past few years.
I thought about this from a deeper place inside than I have ever before and it bothered me that it was so important to me to have make-up on in public. All this inner work for so many years to find deep Freedom and Healing means so much to me and I want my life to be thoroughly and consciously in Harmony with what I believe, and so when something like this pops up and it reveals a Dissonance between my Heart, and my actions, I pay attention and make choices to bring Love and Tender Awareness into the little place of Fear or Shame that is the root of the issue. Love and Tender Awareness always has the Power to Heal and brings these things into alignment with my deepest Beliefs.
So, I went and met my friend just as I was, with no make-up, no fancy hair do…just me As I Am. It was so freeing, so funny. I found myself laughing as I was driving because it suddenly was Dawning on me how odd it really is to worry so much about how we look, and how much society places on it as a value, a requirement, an expectation.
To quote one of the most famous fashion designers, Yves St. Laurent: ” The most beautiful make-up of a woman is passion, but cosmetics are easier to buy.” How true it is! It took Peaceful, Passionate Courage for me to walk out among society “as is” and by doing that I was actively assisting in my own Healing from the years and years of Debilitating Shame and Self-Hatred. I do not want to attempt to purchase Self Esteem, Emotional Security, or Acceptance from a bottle on the shelf in a Cosmetics store. I want to trust My Being to find all those things inside, in that place of Certainty where God created me and said: “She is Very Good…”
I will certainly use make up again and I will do things with my hair…it is not that I think there is anything wrong with those things…unless I am using them as a Purchased Substitute for A Hidden Treasure Within.
With my Commitment to Thorough Recovery of Sanity in All Areas of My Life…
Just as I am, Tak jak ja jestem, Proprio come lo sono io,
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others !
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)