Dear Friends, Drodzy Przyjaciele, Cari Amici,
The morning after my session with Dr. A. when we talked through this whole New Concept regarding Beliefs, whereby I was Choosing what I am going to Believe, I had an amazing experience that began a huge shift in my life and put into motion a foundational healing that would have many ripple effects. It was this:
I woke up when it was still Dark outside but I could tell it was just starting to move into Dawn. It was July 6th, 2007. My body was full of Anxiety about all the new thoughts and concepts that I had been thinking about and exploring with Dr. A. This fear of being a Heretic, a deep fear of Being in Trouble, was Hovering around me and above me. (Anything NEW, no matter how wonderful it might be, was always very anxiety producing for me during all those years before my healing took hold.)
There were Voices in my head accusing me of being Evil, threatening me with Eternal Damnation if I were to continue to follow this Thread of Thought. “Stay with what you know. Don’t Go there. This is Dangerous for your Soul. Are you Crazy? You are Bad! You are are going to be in Big Trouble. You Better Go and Confess to the Priest these Evil Inclinations you are Having about Faith.”
Suddenly, A Soft Light filled my Mind and All the Accusing voices were Silent. I watched some words float across the screen of my mind and it was as if I was reading those words, more than “thinking” them The words were:
“What If God Wants Me To Be Happy?”
I laid in my bed, staring at those words floating in my mind and I began to Laugh! Please believe me when I tell you that up until that moment IT HAD NEVER OCCURRED ANYWHERE IN MY MIND OR MY SOUL THAT GOD WOULD WANT ME TO BE HAPPY!
The feelings I had during that Dawn varied between Thrill, Embarrassment, A Little Bit of Doubt, some Curiosity and I kept Laughing with a New, Joyful Energy that was bubbling up in me. I know this was a Grace, a Moment of God breaking through to me, because I was able right then to Choose to Believe that God wanted me to be Happy.
I kept repeating the words “I choose to believe in a God who wants me to be happy.”
You cannot imagine how this set things in motion for my Healing…and my capacity to finally create my own personal life and life circumstances that were of my own choosing. All of a sudden, in the Stunning Shift of a Belief, I did not have an Irritable God that I had to appease by my suffering and sacrifices and victimizations. My Mind and Soul were finally cracking Open to the possibility of Joy and Health, at the Core of my Being.
It is important to say that I never have thought of Happiness as being exempt from pain or struggle…I thought of it as something beautiful Underlying a Life…something that was a Foundation of a person’s Being, kind of like Health is to an Olympic Athlete…But I thought of it as being ONLY for the Elite Minority of human beings…not something that is Available and Free for anyone who Chooses it.
What an Incredible Jump this was and continues to be!
Every day I continue to stay Conscious of my personal Beliefs as they manifest in my Choices, my Responses, my Actions and my Goals. When I bump into one that is from my former, wounded perspective, I will look at it, feel, try it on and see if it still fits. If not, I return it to the Universe and choose what feels Right and Good and like Me, Now.
Ever since I took responsibility for what I believe, I have felt so much more dignity, self respect and an appropriate sense of accountability.
With Faith in Freedom, Z Wiarą w Wolność, Con la Fede Nella Libertà,
Gabriel Orion Marie
* For those of you who may not know, I have published a series of three books that tell the story of my recovery and healing from profoundly intense physical, sexual and spiritual abuse. These books have dozens of paintings that I did during my process and those paintings are a core form of communication I used in my Healing. These books are available on Amazon. I hope you will read them and pass them on to others !
This White House (Book One), Going Sane (Book Two) and A Spectacular Dawn (Book Three)